Rabid monkeys with fancy tools

If you want to be judgemental of others, don’t blame them for being judgemental of you.
If you want to be blind, don’t cry when you get into accidents.
Before you point fingers at others, please, look at yourself.
Friends come and go, it’s life. Accept it. I’m still trying to.
If you want to bitch about someone, don’t regret when it bites you in the ass.
Plus if you want to bitch about a very good, delicious friend, don’t praise her like she’s an angel a few months later.
We all have our own faults. Nobody’s perfect. We contradict ourselves from time to time. What are true friends? People who stick by you even though you’re a nasty person. They’re not sycophants, well, they’re actually rather mean. But what makes me stick with them? At least they’re honest and good people. They won’t coddle me and say ‘Oh poor thing, still stuck with a curfew let me breastfeed you.’ They’ll say ‘Live with it, or do something about it.’ They’re honest to brutal - I don’t like it sometimes but I’ve got faults that they don’t like too. Like I said, nobody’s perfect. Some of them can be as stubborn as a mule, but nobody’s saying that he’s in the right.
Then again, some friends come and go, and that’s just life. Don’t need to be all nitpicky about it, you’ll only get your fingers dirty.

You know, at first I really liked Sean Kingston’s Beauuuuutiful Girl, but after everyone started using it as their ringtone, it kinda sucked. Imagine this: you’re stuck in an office for an hour and a half, and the assistant watchamacallit’s mobile keeps on ringing like every 3 minutes. So every other moment, you’ll hear "JR! Sean Kingston! You’re way too beauuuuuutiful girl …." I wanted to shoot the phone, blow it to bits, make it hurt, terminate it. Now, two hours after I left the office, the damned song is still playing in my head, just the few starting lines. Endless loop. Bloody excrutiating.

For something completely different, you know the crrrrack sound there is when you step on quite a sizable exoskeletal bug-creature? Namely a muhhhh (can’t bring myself to type it) - the one with a hell loada legs (goosebumps at the slightest thought of it) .. a mm .. a .. m .. i .. li .. pe .. de .. (oh god nightmare NIGHTMARE) .. that sound makes me want to die. Those creatures make me want to die. They make me want to move to the North Pole. And the sound when you accidentally/purposefully step on one is enough to make me want to wretch.

Ever made memories? There’s a moment to things, and there’s a perfect second when you know that this moment should be recorded in your brain and never be forgotten. Like the time when I watched ships pass from the 7th floor, or reading for someone in another language, or the swan in the middle of the river at an unholy hour, or the poem, or him tracing my body, telling me where my liver, stomach, kidneys, etc. were. There’s just a sublime moment to it, a voice telling you that this will never happen again so you’d better remember it.
I tell El Supremo Being that I want to remember these memories forever, till my death bed so I’d have something to think back and smile about but I know that I will forget them, in five, ten years. I know this contradicts my post from last year about memory, but let’s just say I was angry back then.
Memory is a strange thing. A song you hear now can bring back thoughts of another time when you heard it somewhere else. Conversation made tonight will be forgotten tomorrow, this post will be forgotten, painful memories gradually erase themselves - you forget how bad a tooth aches but you remember a heartache for a long time.

Lying on my bed looking out the window I watch the rainclouds gather and the sky turn gray. It reminds me of another place. When I was there, I wished that I was here. When I am here, I wish that I was there. Strange how the mind works. Was I even there? The anticipation for the rain is unbearable. I want to roll over and sleep it off but I’ve got things to do. There’s always something to do.

There is one thing I don’t know if I could actually resist if/when the situation arises. Many other things I’m confident I can ignore. Many things. But this one thing, you know, it’s just one little thing (no pun, honest), and I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling like this. You’ve got your own little thing too (this is getting hilarious), and when the opportunity presents itself, would you have the balls to say no?
Meh. Your head might think Yeah, Sure! but your heart probably palpitated at the delightful thought of it.

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"Fallout and take the bait
Eat the fruit
And kiss the snake goodnight

Common ruse dirty face
Pretty noose is pretty hate
And I don’t like
What you got me hanging from"

Soundgarden’s Pretty Noose.

Just when everything was going fine, I have this fucked up sort of dream that could stir up the hornet’s nest. For once I am thankful that the alarm went off. Imagine where my sick mind would’ve taken me.

It’s 3am, it’s one of those nights again, it’s been a few nights now, and I suddenly ask myself, am I emo?

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Nah. I don’t have the look —>

Anal

You like anal but you’re not getting it as much as you like or even at all. In real life you’re an unpredictable one with sadistic tendencies and a fetish for dirtiness.

Regular Cock & Pussy Porn

You like pussy, pussy and more pussy. Also consistent, regular and high tendency to be a boring person.

Roleplay/Cosplay

Imaginative, interesting, fun. Constant changes, mood fluctuations. Likes wild sex and any sort of sex. Open for new things. Might also be extremely childish depending on the type of roleplay, eg. Hello Kitty.

Gangbang

A: More males than females.
Slight chance of being gay. Likes to watch the women get pleasured by and at the same time please many men. A magnanimous person.
B: More females than males.
Sexist, has fantasies of having harems. High chance of being promiscuous. Selfish person.

Storyline

eg. Pirates X, Tarzan X, Da Vinci Lode.
Has good imagination and likes a bit of foreplay and dirty talk in bed. Inclined to be long-winded. Probably a grubby old teacher.

Gay Porn
You’re probably gay. There’s NO such thing as ‘I was just curious.’

Lesbian porn

If you’re male: You like watching a lot of tits and pussy and various other contraptions at use.
If you’re female: You’re probably gay.

Rape/SM/BDSM

Likes pain and to inflict pain. Likes watching people in pain. Probably a wuss in real life, but you never know these sick people. Tendency to be a basketcase. Has a fetish for degradation and domination.

Bestiality

Keep this person far away from any animal, even fish because fish are slimy and can be used for certain activities. This person is a mentally challenged ape. DOGS AND HORSES HAVE FEELINGS TOO.

Underaged

You sick bastard. You deserve to have your penis chopped into tiny little pieces.

Disclaimer: I do not promote pornography. For those who are into roleplay, please call me at 1800-WELUVNURSES.

Wouldn’t this be a nice song to make out to?
To listen:
http://juliatan.multiply.com/music/item/3/Near_You_Always_1_song

Near You Always

"Please don’t say I love you,
those words touch me much too deeply
and they make my core tremble
Don’t think you realize the effect you have over me
Please don’t look at me like that
It just makes me want to make you near me always
Please don’t kiss me so sweet
it makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow
And please don’t touch me like that
makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow
And please don’t come so close
it just makes me want to make you near me always
Please don’t bring me flowers
they only whisper the sweet things you’d say
Don’t try to understand me
your hands already know too much anyway
It just makes me want to make you near me always
And when you look in my eyes
please know my heart is in your hands
It’s nothing that I understand, but when in your arms
you have complete power over me
So be gentle if you please, ’cause
Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth
And it makes me want to make you near me always
Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth
And it makes me want to make you near me always
I want to be near you always
I want to be near you always
I want to be near you always …."

And it’s also dedicated to that someone
=]

Got this off http://www.yongfook.com/2007/05/30/the-bare-faced-lies-of-the-opposite-sex/

Funny SOB.

Chick Lies

“No, I’m fine”
(Yes, I am pissed off)

“That was wonderful”
(I am in a state of euphoria because that is now, thankfully, over)
(”6/10″)

“These shoes were on sale”
(These shoes were almost unbelievably expensive. The raw materials that were used to make them probably account for around 1% of the retail cost. These shoes, therefore, are a tangible example of my confounding female sense of utter irrationality)

“I’m not really ready for a relationship right now.”
(I’m having an awesome time sleeping with all your friends)
(I’m waiting for a better offer)
(All I wanted was a ride in your Porsche. Fuck this has gotten way out of hand)

“I don’t care about money”
(I want more money)
(I want you to gradually care less about money because I’m going to spend all of yours on shoes)

“He’s an old friend from high school.”
(Who I fantasise about sleeping with)
(Who I should have married)
(Actually I met him at Starbucks. I’ve known him for a week)

“I stayed at another girls house last night and forgot my phone.”
(We were bitching about you most of the time)
(We were having a naked pillow-fight session after which we engaged in hot lesbian sex)
(I was seeing Brian. You remember Brian, right? Your brother?)

“But I’ve always had lots of guy friends”
(I am a gangbang-loving slut)
(I have deep, emotional scars)
(Chicks think I’m a bitch, because I am)

“I miss you”
(I’m keeping you sweet)
(I’m clingy and psychologically unstable. I’ve made an effigy of you from paper mache and vaginal mucus)

“I love it when men take charge.”
(I have deep, emotional scars)
(I am chronically timid and indecisive, which although might be a boon in the bedroom, will drive you fucking nuts in real life)

“I trust you - I know you would never cheat on me - I just don’t trust other women.”
(Because I used to be a giant slut)

Dude Lies

“I’m not drunk at all.”
(Seriously, I actually always look like this)
(Summoning up all my available sobriety to say that sentence with a modicum of coherence has made me want to projectile vomit)

“That’s never happened before.”
(Oh fuck not again. Please not again)

“I drive a _________”
(I’m really obsessed with _________ and can tell you everything about them, but I am decades away from owning one)
(My friend drives a _________ and I could borrow it off him if you decide to call my bluff, bitch)
(If you react, you are a superficial hussy and I have a pretty good chance of sleeping with you tonight)

“Yes I was listening”
(Wha?)

“Yes I was listening. I was just thinking about what you were saying.”
(Wha? Oh shit come on come on come on stall stall stall)

“Of course I remember what time”
(I am too terrified to ask again so I’m just going to stand at the meeting spot all day and act like I got there 5 mins before when you show up)

“Sorry, I left my phone at home”
(I went to a strip club. Mike got a lap dance. It was so awesome)

“I’ll turn it off after this level.”
(Little do you know this is the longest and most enjoyable level in the game)
(I can never beat the level after this anyway)

“Lets just cuddle tonight”
(I just had a biiiig wank)