Rabid monkeys with fancy tools

Interview with a local USMA lecturer.

Hana: So, Dr, tell me about the way you conduct classes.

Dr. Sally: Oh I just love taking attendance. I love rules because they’re meant to be followed. In other words, my students will be brought up as mindless sheep, even though at their age they should be exploring ideas and learning to be independant. We have a large percentage sheep, and we also have those radical Muslim extremists or left-wing Chinese communists. That’s what rules are for, to clear the world of these rebels! We fail to realize that they’d just take their rebellion elsewhere, but who cares? I love rules!

(Dr. Sally gives a beaming, semi-idiotic smile)

Hana: Could you please explain about attendance taking?

Dr. Sally: Well, the more experienced and professional lecturers don’t do it, but we, the ones who graduated from some unheard-of American hick university, think we are smarterer than all of them. Therefore, we take attendance to make sure that the students, who would’ve avoided our classes because it’s barbarically boring, are forced to come to class. We don’t have to bother making our classes interesting, because they’ve gotta come anyhow!

(Dr. Sally cackles a hen-like laugh)

Hana: How do you take attendance? I mean, if it’s a class of 500 students …

Dr. Sally: Oh, I usually pass an attendance sheet around. Sometimes the class is so huge, students don’t get a chance to sign up because the shit don’t reach them in time. During tutorials, I call up their names, because in tutorials, it’s small enough - we have several slots for up to only 30 students. So I’d call up their names like they were primary school students. Who cares that some students are in their 30’s? If my mentality is that of a primary school student, I demand that my students have the same mentality as well.

Hana: But what of when your students step into the working world?

Dr. Sally: I probably contribute to the fact that most of our graduates can’t find jobs. I mean, although I teach X subject, my knowledge in that particular subject is poorer than some of my students. So if I already feed them garbage knowledge, might as well train them to become childish apes as well-lah.

Hana: What would you propose to raise our university level?

Dr. Sally: Bar students from taking the final exam if they are absent for more than one time. That way, attendance taking would be more fun. Oh gosh I’m wetting myself just by the very thought of it. Pass me a tisu, please.

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Disclaimer: Any similiarities to living or dead persons is totally unintentional. This is just a humourous satire to be taken with a pinch of salt You Pieces of Emo Admin. Shit

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