Rabid monkeys with fancy tools

When Steve Irwin died, we had those RIP messages flying all over MSN, and we had people putting a tortoise in front of their display names. I don’t get it. Is the accidental death of a wildlife preservationist more important than the sad death of an 8-year old girl who suffered so much before she finally went to a better place? Shouldn’t we be more concerned about this incident? There’s so much talk about the ‘online community,’ but it seems that this community consists of sycophants and sheep.
The death of Irwin did not affect me at all. He was doing his job, end of story. How did it affect you? Did you religiously follow his series? How about the girl who was walking to the pasar malam, got nabbed and had a cucumber and brinjal stuffed up her private parts? This was not as important, to all of you who put a tortoise, to even mention it? Maybe it didn’t cross your mind. I guess that stuffing foreign objects up children is something normal, while getting killed in the line of work isn’t. Don’t say that there isn’t an emoticon for it. I don’t see how a turtle can relate to the crocodile hunter, and yet it came into being. I remember damn near almost half of my contact list had that turtle thing, all of them Malaysians.
I think that it’s really shallow of them, but it’s just my two cents.

Interview with a local USMA lecturer.

Hana: So, Dr, tell me about the way you conduct classes.

Dr. Sally: Oh I just love taking attendance. I love rules because they’re meant to be followed. In other words, my students will be brought up as mindless sheep, even though at their age they should be exploring ideas and learning to be independant. We have a large percentage sheep, and we also have those radical Muslim extremists or left-wing Chinese communists. That’s what rules are for, to clear the world of these rebels! We fail to realize that they’d just take their rebellion elsewhere, but who cares? I love rules!

(Dr. Sally gives a beaming, semi-idiotic smile)

Hana: Could you please explain about attendance taking?

Dr. Sally: Well, the more experienced and professional lecturers don’t do it, but we, the ones who graduated from some unheard-of American hick university, think we are smarterer than all of them. Therefore, we take attendance to make sure that the students, who would’ve avoided our classes because it’s barbarically boring, are forced to come to class. We don’t have to bother making our classes interesting, because they’ve gotta come anyhow!

(Dr. Sally cackles a hen-like laugh)

Hana: How do you take attendance? I mean, if it’s a class of 500 students …

Dr. Sally: Oh, I usually pass an attendance sheet around. Sometimes the class is so huge, students don’t get a chance to sign up because the shit don’t reach them in time. During tutorials, I call up their names, because in tutorials, it’s small enough - we have several slots for up to only 30 students. So I’d call up their names like they were primary school students. Who cares that some students are in their 30’s? If my mentality is that of a primary school student, I demand that my students have the same mentality as well.

Hana: But what of when your students step into the working world?

Dr. Sally: I probably contribute to the fact that most of our graduates can’t find jobs. I mean, although I teach X subject, my knowledge in that particular subject is poorer than some of my students. So if I already feed them garbage knowledge, might as well train them to become childish apes as well-lah.

Hana: What would you propose to raise our university level?

Dr. Sally: Bar students from taking the final exam if they are absent for more than one time. That way, attendance taking would be more fun. Oh gosh I’m wetting myself just by the very thought of it. Pass me a tisu, please.

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Disclaimer: Any similiarities to living or dead persons is totally unintentional. This is just a humourous satire to be taken with a pinch of salt You Pieces of Emo Admin. Shit

If you want to be judgemental of others, don’t blame them for being judgemental of you.
If you want to be blind, don’t cry when you get into accidents.
Before you point fingers at others, please, look at yourself.
Friends come and go, it’s life. Accept it. I’m still trying to.
If you want to bitch about someone, don’t regret when it bites you in the ass.
Plus if you want to bitch about a very good, delicious friend, don’t praise her like she’s an angel a few months later.
We all have our own faults. Nobody’s perfect. We contradict ourselves from time to time. What are true friends? People who stick by you even though you’re a nasty person. They’re not sycophants, well, they’re actually rather mean. But what makes me stick with them? At least they’re honest and good people. They won’t coddle me and say ‘Oh poor thing, still stuck with a curfew let me breastfeed you.’ They’ll say ‘Live with it, or do something about it.’ They’re honest to brutal - I don’t like it sometimes but I’ve got faults that they don’t like too. Like I said, nobody’s perfect. Some of them can be as stubborn as a mule, but nobody’s saying that he’s in the right.
Then again, some friends come and go, and that’s just life. Don’t need to be all nitpicky about it, you’ll only get your fingers dirty.

You know, at first I really liked Sean Kingston’s Beauuuuutiful Girl, but after everyone started using it as their ringtone, it kinda sucked. Imagine this: you’re stuck in an office for an hour and a half, and the assistant watchamacallit’s mobile keeps on ringing like every 3 minutes. So every other moment, you’ll hear "JR! Sean Kingston! You’re way too beauuuuuutiful girl …." I wanted to shoot the phone, blow it to bits, make it hurt, terminate it. Now, two hours after I left the office, the damned song is still playing in my head, just the few starting lines. Endless loop. Bloody excrutiating.

For something completely different, you know the crrrrack sound there is when you step on quite a sizable exoskeletal bug-creature? Namely a muhhhh (can’t bring myself to type it) - the one with a hell loada legs (goosebumps at the slightest thought of it) .. a mm .. a .. m .. i .. li .. pe .. de .. (oh god nightmare NIGHTMARE) .. that sound makes me want to die. Those creatures make me want to die. They make me want to move to the North Pole. And the sound when you accidentally/purposefully step on one is enough to make me want to wretch.

Ever made memories? There’s a moment to things, and there’s a perfect second when you know that this moment should be recorded in your brain and never be forgotten. Like the time when I watched ships pass from the 7th floor, or reading for someone in another language, or the swan in the middle of the river at an unholy hour, or the poem, or him tracing my body, telling me where my liver, stomach, kidneys, etc. were. There’s just a sublime moment to it, a voice telling you that this will never happen again so you’d better remember it.
I tell El Supremo Being that I want to remember these memories forever, till my death bed so I’d have something to think back and smile about but I know that I will forget them, in five, ten years. I know this contradicts my post from last year about memory, but let’s just say I was angry back then.
Memory is a strange thing. A song you hear now can bring back thoughts of another time when you heard it somewhere else. Conversation made tonight will be forgotten tomorrow, this post will be forgotten, painful memories gradually erase themselves - you forget how bad a tooth aches but you remember a heartache for a long time.

Lying on my bed looking out the window I watch the rainclouds gather and the sky turn gray. It reminds me of another place. When I was there, I wished that I was here. When I am here, I wish that I was there. Strange how the mind works. Was I even there? The anticipation for the rain is unbearable. I want to roll over and sleep it off but I’ve got things to do. There’s always something to do.

There is one thing I don’t know if I could actually resist if/when the situation arises. Many other things I’m confident I can ignore. Many things. But this one thing, you know, it’s just one little thing (no pun, honest), and I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling like this. You’ve got your own little thing too (this is getting hilarious), and when the opportunity presents itself, would you have the balls to say no?
Meh. Your head might think Yeah, Sure! but your heart probably palpitated at the delightful thought of it.

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"Fallout and take the bait
Eat the fruit
And kiss the snake goodnight

Common ruse dirty face
Pretty noose is pretty hate
And I don’t like
What you got me hanging from"

Soundgarden’s Pretty Noose.