Rabid monkeys with fancy tools

Fiona Apple’s good for angst.
Queens of the Stone Age is good for weirdness.
Angst + Weirdness = No sleep for Jooleeyah.

O1] Is there someone who you like at
the moment?
:: Yeah.

O2] Have you ever given or been given
roses?
:: Yeah.

O3] What is your all-time favorite
romance movie?
:: French Kiss. Makes me feel so happy.

O4] How many times can you honestly
say you’ve been in love?
:: I really don’t know.

O5] Do you believe that everyone has a
soul-mate?
:: Probably.

O6] Do you think that you should be
friends first?
:: Yeah. To an extent.

O7] Have you ever had your heart
broken?
:: Yeah. Talk about it.

O8] What do you think about long-
distance relationship?
:: Longing.

O9] Your thoughts on online
relationships?
:: Could work.

1O] Would you rather date someone five
years older or younger?
:: Works both ways.

11] Have you ever seen a friend as
more than a friend?
:: Yeah.

12] Do you believe the statement, "Once
a cheater always a cheater"?
:: Yepp.

13] How many kids do you want to have?
:: Two. Babies freak me out though.

15] What is your favorite colour(s)?
:: Red.

16] What are your views on gay
marriage?
:: Hey I don’t see why they shouldn’t suffer as well.

17] Have you ever broken someone’s
heart?
:: Yeah. Talk about it.

18] Imagine you’re 79 & your spouse
just died, would you re-marry?
:: No. If I’ve already shared more than half my life with someone, it would be hard to find a replacement, much less to say someone new to love.

19] At what age did you start noticing
the opposite sex?
:: When I was eight.

2O] What song do you want to hear at
your wedding?
:: Just Like Suicide, Soundgarden.

Yeah that just made me sleepy.
But anger rears its head again. bitternessdisappointmentpainjealousyloatheachepainrage bada bing bing you gots da swing swing

Boy, oh boy, time really does fly. It’s been a month since I left, and I’ve returned to a green Ireland. Trees that were bare are now heavy with leaves, rustling with every breeze. I have dandelions in my backyard, cool. Kick at them whenever I go for a smoke.
Gone are the days when I could hear the French guy playing his guitar and singing Hallelujah. Gone are the days of playing Okami on Irish guy’s PS2. Gone are the days of hearing the really tall German guy singing and sighing in the kitchen. Gone, gone are the days when the French girl would reprimand me for skipping class.
I miss them, somehow.
I’ve returned to a blaring No Smoking sign on the kitchen door. Someone was smoking in the living room, apparently. Hey, I wasn’t around, not my business. The sign’s really annoying though. I hate those signs.
Three more weeks of bumming around, revising for exams then my time here in Ireland would be up. Everything is so ephemeral, it’s surreal. Before I can believe it, it’s gone.

Digging through some books my sister had, I found one that I had read many years ago - Of Comb, Powder and Rouge by Yeap Joo Kim. Bad mistake to reread it - I miss Penang more than ever, and I’ve only been away for a mere four months!
The book tells the dramatic story of a high-born nyonya who has had a rollercoaster life. That part I’ve read in so many books and heard from the mouths of so many relatives it was nothing new. What tugged at my mind was the description of Penang.
Names of roads I’m so familiar with, terms I use every other day, names of food, things, all in print! Description of the scenery, of habits and places. All that has such a profound effect on me.
No, no place on earth is like my hometown. It’s backward, it’s unorganized, it’s dangerous and dirty, it’s boring, it’s dead, whatever. I don’t give a flying fuck if you hate Penang. No, actually, take a walk down old town and you might change your mind. It’s the most magnificent place on earth. Rats in plain sight, bikes always ready to mow you down, errant motorists, beggars, loonies, rubbish, sewage waste that smells pretty damn bad - all this next to a kopitiam or a mamak stall, and those pre-war buildings each teaming with history and a story of their own to be told. Roads so narrow it’s amazing how two cars can pass at once. Roads never meant for cars. The liquor shop next to an entire row of old shophouses selling religious paraphernilia. I can go on and on about old town, which will always be the heart of Penang to me.
Not even London can compare to this tiny little island so eager to shed her history. It ain’t all that bad, take a look around. So it hasn’t actually got a nightlife worth mentioning, the roads are rickety and you really gotta watch your belongings. Again, what-fuckin’-ever. It’s my fuckin’ home.

I stumbled upon this ‘Oxegen’ festival to be held in Ireland. County Kildare, to be exact, which isn’t very far from where I’m at, I think. Quite a big event, with performances by quite a number of big bands.
‘Artists’ I’d really like to watch who will be performing: The Killers, Muse, Snow Patrol, Queens of the Stone Age, The Fratellis, Mika, Goo Goo Dolls, Ocean Colour Scene, The Kooks, My Chemical Romance, Babyshambles, Rufus Wainwright, Razorlight and Avril Lavigne (if I hear anyone snicker, I’ll punch you in the throat).
I can’t stop laughing manically. July. Brilliant. Just brilliant. I don’t think I have the fate to go to these things. Oh well, I suppose the TV’s there for a reason. I’ve accepted the whole rock-concert-not-this-lifetime fact. I still can’t help laughing at the entire irony though.
I’ve missed three chances to watch Muse.

Stolen from my cousin’s blog (I’ve learnt the infamous C&P skill from soneone :p ) .. Worth a read, although most Penangites even those who don’t speak hokkien would already know the lingo.

Prince of Wales Island
I have been living in Penang all my life - also known as "The Prince of Wales Island", it is an island which was dominated by the Hokkien clans of the Chinese race. Most people here speaks Hokkien dialect. It was the colloquial communication medium in Penang .. and it has been like this for almost a century (ever since the Chinese came to Malaya to mine for tin ores)
But then, the Hokkien dialect in Penang did not sound a wee bit like those originated from China . It was entirely different from the original. Why ? Well, that’s because Penang ’s a multi-cultural place and over the years, the Hokkien dialect somehow had evolved into something different…. into almost like an entirely new language itself. Slangs and shits like that.
Just like what the Americans did to the original King’s English.
So, in conjunction with our national day spirit, I would like to share some of the most commonly used Hokkien slang in Penang .. hope that it will promote better understanding about the unique cultural establishment here…
" kan keh"
direct translation - ‘fuck chicken’.
actual meaning - referring to someone who’s cynical and selfish, not willing to take even the slightest risk of anything.
eg: "Leh ma ler ! Ah Seng kau giak kan keh ah .."
[translation: "Your mother ! Ah Seng is damn timid !"]
"kiong kan "
direct translation - it actually was a short form for "ki ho lang kan ", which means, ‘go get yourself fucked by someone’.
actual meaning - an exclamation that was used to vehemently protest against any disagreement or illogical statements.
eg: "Kiong kan lah ! lu sio kong lim peh be hiau si boh ??"
[translation : "Kiong kan lah ! You think you can fool me ??"]
"bak moy"
direct translation - ‘pork porridge’
actual meaning - to undergo the complete and permanent cessation of all vital functions; i.e. die
eg: "Eh ! Lu lang cai boh ? Ray Charles bak moy liao !"
[translation : "Eh ! Did you guys know ? That Ray Charles is dead !"]
"loo siao "
direct translation - ‘rub sperm’
actual meaning - to riot, to rebel, make trouble or go ballistic. Can be used as adjective, verb or noun.
eg: "That char bor, si peh loo siao, tiam tiam chueh soo …"
[translation : "That woman, damn rebellious, always look for trouble.."]
"char siao"
direct translation - ‘fried sperm’
actual meaning - to disturb or to vex someone
eg: "Mai char siao lah !"
[translation : "Don't disturb me !"]
"kuai lan"
direct translation - ’suave dick’
actual meaning - adjective to describe a very cheeky or obnoxious person.
eg: "That si ginna si peh kuai lan."
[translation : "That kid is damn obnoxious."]
"apong sin"
direct translation - ‘pancake spirit’ (pancake is also the secondary meaning for vagina)
actual meaning - a person who’s fawning over any females and willing to do anything for them.
eg: "Ah Piang kau giak apong sin. Peng eu kio chut, boh eng. Char bor kio chut, eh poey…"
[translation : "Ah Piang damn 'pancake spirit'. When his friends ask him out, always busy. But when girls ask him out, he'll literally fly out"]
"ciu cheng"
direct translation - ‘hand gun’
actual meaning - an adjective to describe someone that is unskillfully clumsy, delinquent and fucked up.
eg: "Si tua pui, kau giak ciu cheng. Chia pun beh hiau park."
[translation : "That fat ass damn fucked up. Don't even know how to park a car"]
"tu lan" (also known as T.L.)
direct translation - ‘pig’s dick’
real meaning - hatefully dislike or angry; pissed.
eg: "Kua tiok ee eh bin … pun tu lan."
[translation : "It pissed me off even by just a glance of his face."]
"kam lan"
direct translation - ‘to fellate’
real meaning - an expression added into questions - to denote something ridiculous or defies logical understanding.
eg: "Lu choaa lu eh bor chut lai kam lan aa ??"
[translation : "Why the hell do you bring along your wife ??"]
"loh tee"
direct translation - ‘bread’ (comes from the malay word "roti")
real meaning - an adjective to describe a very slutty, chintzy and promiscuous female being. Highly derogatory.
eg: "Ah Piang eh chat loh si peh loh tee. Goh lui chap pek tau"
[translation : "Ah Piang's girl is a goddamn slut. Five cents for eighteen times"]
Of course there are more. These are just the common ones and is good enough for you to understand more about Penang. It’s a beautiful place.

Usually I’m able to amuse myself in times of absolute boredom, but today .. I don’t know what happened. Initially I was pretty dang down, and watching Planet Earth did not help because every scene constantly reminded the viewer of how we’re damaging the planet. I went to watch the washing machine for a bit, had myself a spot of feckin’ tea, rolled about the carpet doing absolutely nothing, and for the past quarter of an hour I’ve been listening to T-Rex’s I Love To Boogie, prancing about a little, wearing my 4 pounds a pair aviator sunglasses trying to imitate Johnny Depp in the poster of Fear and Loathing as best as I could.
I’ve gone positively insane.
Time : 1.43pm - Julia officially got weirder.
Time to continue the jitttterbug boogeeey!

More what-the-fuck moments than I could count. I haven’t laughed so hard in a cinema since Hot Fuzz. Haven’t actually been to any other comedies in a cinema since Hot Fuzz, matter of fact, but nevertheless, Blades of Glory - helluva movie.

Transference of certain bimbo lingo onto normal society was inevitable. Expressions like ‘Totally!’, bimbotic look (enlarged eyes and O lips) whenever ‘Oh my god!’ is expulsed from mouth or adding ‘like’ to the beginning of every sentence is now ordinary. Blame it on the media - that’s what I blame it on anyhow. Chick flicks, sitcoms, MVs, the like.
After much observation of watching more sitcoms and reading certain things posted online, the new bimbo expression is … drumroll please .. aforementioned prawns-for-brains a.k.a. bimbos call every single tom, dick and larry ‘dear’ or ‘darling’ as if she is Mother Teresa incarnate. This whole name calling thing is not restricted to members of the opposite sex. Female bimbos will call other females ‘dear’ or ‘darling’ without any second thought on how much that might make the person’s anus twitch. 
I’m not saying that bimbos are a threat to normal and/or intelligent society (though they can get pretty goddamn annoying), matter of fact they are a source of private jokes and comedic moments. Some bimbos are incredibly nice to boot, and we all know that there are those bimbos who are simply feastful to the eyes. A bimbo is not much of a taboo anymore (no thanks to Clueless), it’s more of a movement now with the likes of Paris Hilton and her little chihuahua-totting friends.
But boy oh boy can they get on my nerves. I was just told a story of this girl who ordered lychee drink and kept on asking everyone at the table if they wanted her lychees. Finally someone asked her why she ordered lychee drink if she didn’t want them in the first place, and she answered that she liked to share. What the fuck, does she think that she’s Barney? Should we throw flowers at her feet for her magnanimity? Oh my god, she wants to share her lychees with the world, someone call Oprah!
I have nothing against these fluffheads bimbos. Like, honest!

http://juliatan.multiply.com/photos/album/9

ADVISE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR MUM,
DAUGHTERS, GRANDDAUGHTERS, NIECES,
AUNTS, GIRLFRIENDS, ETC.

1. Don’t imagine you can change a
man - unless he’s in nappies.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend
walks out? -You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon -
they should be able to put them all up
there.

4. Never let your man’s mind wander -
it’s too little to be out alone (HAH!).

5. Go for the younger man. You might
as well, they never mature anyway (True).

6. Men are all the same - they just
have different faces, so that you can
tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man
who has missed the opportunity to make
some woman miserable.

8. Women don’t make fools of men -
most of them are the do-it-yourself
types.

9. Best way to get a man to do
something is to suggest he is too old
for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is
a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man,
look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered
around the desert for 40 years. Even
in Biblical times, men wouldn’t ask
for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books
you’re interested in, tell him cheque
books.

14. Remember a sense of humor does
not mean that you tell him jokes, it
means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created
equal.