Rabid monkeys with fancy tools

… tune in to 6 Dunedin. There’s always some.

Episode one: The Loony Landlady.

First month flew by fine. Everything was tip top. Fine housemates, fine house, fine room. Then last week, as my second month was just beginning to unfold, all the drama that had been contained for a month came gushing out like diarrhea. In comes the cuckoo landlady to inspect the house. Began complaining about everything and reigniting the beef she had with Irish housemate. Even checked his room, for crying out loud. They had a row, he shut the door in her face and she called him a little bastard (she now claims that she was calling her boot a little bastard because it wouldn’t zip up. how utterly convinient). That was on Monday.
Tuesday she disappeared.
Wednesday night she came by again to inspect his room again. And also to complain about the kitchen. Again. She said that she would come by on Friday to inspect all our rooms. So naturally we bitched about her. She’s just insane. I mean, c’mon, it’s our private spaces for chrissake. Which landlord comes by every other day of the week? It’s annoying! I’m not annoyed much but when they start having fights every other day it does get on my nerves one good because fights is one thing that I came here to be absolutely free of.
Thursday, which is today, she came by to have a talk with the French girl, and French girl gave her a piece of her mind (which wasn’t enough, apparently).
Then just now, she came by again (barged in, more like) and there was a big fight between her, Irish guy and German guy. Threatened to evict Irish guy (apparently for the umpteenth time), German guy threatened to move out, she threatened to forfeit the deposit, threatened to evict all of us (even me, and what did I do?), said that we must all live under her rule (at this point German guy called her a little dictator) and yeah just a loada threats flying around. And she left crying. Cool.
She’s coming again tomorrow to inspect the rooms. Jeez, I mean, what happened to privacy? I thought that it was a big thing here!
Then her husband, the nice mediator, came by and said that he will try to explain things to our Little Dictator, talk things out and stuff. Cool. I hope he triumphs.
And after that, French girl began talking to me about her problems. Said that German guy just told her that when he first met her, he thought that she was stupid. Bah. So what. People think that I’m stupid too (stupid, senseless, bimbotic, slacker, and so forth) but who gives a damn about what they think? Even if I am stupid, it’s who I am, so go fly a kite and I hope you fall off your high horse one day and break your back and have to eat from a straw. If they think it, it’s their misfortune and not mine. Or hers. I’m not very good at giving pep talks. But I think that the best mantra for her would be when someone points his finger at you, three fingers are pointing back at himself. And also, it takes a bigger one to know one.
Oh the drama. And my sister’s arriving in approximately four hours. She can share my dramatic life! It’s all so extremely trivial and immatured and secondary school-ish that I feel so incredibly old.
I swear if they fight again tomorrow I will just start shouting obscenities in two languages and a few dialects.
Stay tuned for episode two.

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