Rabid monkeys with fancy tools

I don’t treat people fairly. I admit that. Some people I shrug aside, others I am extremely attentive with. So attentive to the point that I can remember what they said ten months ago. Others, I just push aside and give less priority even if they are people who apparently care for me. So I won’t boast that I give everyone equal treatment. It’s just my nature to be lopsided.
Sometimes, people feel that I don’t give them any affection. I appear cold, distant. I hold you at arm’s length and I will not allow you any closure. Bear in mind, if you are close to me and I am all frosted up, I do care. I do. I just don’t permit myself to show it. I don’t know why. When it comes to those crucial moments that I need to show emotion, I view it as a sign of weakness and retreat into my shell. I hate vulnerability. I hate it. I hate it most when I am vulnerable. And I can’t really bear for people to see me cry.
I ought to have been born male.
But I still love men. They are rather emotional creatures, those I know. But they’re still lovable. I love my men.
There is this image of Leonardo Dicaprio as Billy Costigan in my head. He points his finger at me and shouts ‘WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING, KID?’ whenever I am on the verge of falling off a parapet. It’s a rather effective image. I loved The Departed. I loved it for the style. It gives a lot of room for personal interpretation. If you compare it to Infernal Affairs, then it’s your own folly. The thing is not to compare and instead take the two as different movies - fundamentally the same but essentially different.
The Fray. I worship Nadia for introducing me to The Fray. Unsaid. Absolute-freaking-ly tip top.
I have another beef. It’s with the whole trying-to-be-different scene. Weirdness is cool. All that jazz. Post-MTVism. Back in the 80’s and 90’s people were conditioned to mimic the cool. Then they’d be cool. Now with the new movement of post-mtvism, people try to be different. No longer sheep. And by all trying to be different, different becomes mundane. So there’s the paradox, irony, the whole shebang. Think it. Think about it.
Don’t try to be different. Weirdness is so outdated. Try insanity. Now that’s cool.

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