Rabid monkeys with fancy tools

It’s 1.54am and I’m alone with my thoughts. Cold, hungry, with an unimaginative cramp. Can’t sleep, won’t even try to, so I bravely set forth to further discover who I really am.
I think that I am entirely and absolutely frivolous about a lot of things in life. I find it hard to imagine myself ever being in a serious relationship - one that requires trust, faith, a sense of solidarity with the other and above all, love (bah humbug). I have never taken my studies seriously. I just end up where I end up. Unbelievably in a university. I really, really (stress on second ‘really’) amaze myself at times. I cannot take family matters earnestly, rather resolving them to solve itself eventually. Doesn’t mean that I don’t care nor partake in family issues. I do, quite a lot, and I do lose sleep over certain pressing matters. Worriness often attacks me at night, but nigh in the morning I cram that worriness into the back of my head and nonchalantly head out to face what life has to offer. By jove, I don’t think that I even take myself seriously. I phase out so much, it’s starting to get a bit disturbing. I think it’s the time of my life where I’m finding who I really am, decide that yeah that’s me and proceed to live the rest of my days being that person. Feasible idea, isn’t it. Soul-searching et al. Now, what do I take seriously …  conjuring ideas to write about, slow self-destruction, alcohol, search for the meaning of life and oh, world peace.
So am I just this walking flesh of id personified or am I honestly cold to the core - absolutely faithless in everyone and everything because I’m afraid that if I express too much concern, that singular act would rear its ugly head and spit venom into mine eyes and I go blind and arrrrrrr matey. Damn POTC. I digress. It’s 2.19am and I’m still fucking cold and ravenous. The cramp’s thankfully gone. And I’m starting to pine for him. He’s someone whom, given the chance, I could see myself establishing something of substance with. Just two very minute (irony) problems: I highly doubt that he views me as someone whom, given the chance, he could see himself establishing something of substance with; and oh bother, he’s just so goddamn far away.

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